So hey we missed last Sunday, but never you fear we're watching it right now!

So the railroads were being constructed, and this historian like "we picked Chinese they engineered the Great Wall." And it's totally worth him saying stupid shit, because Margret Cho immediately addresses the inherent racism, in our exploitation of immigrants. Thank you Margret Cho! For being the only sensible non-propaganda sprouting talking head on this show.

Apparently the West is "untouched" hhmm

My roommate and I are still trying to decide that if this show was made in the ninties, if it would be less right leaning or more? I'm still on the fence on this one.

But I will say that I'm shocked that in 2010, the History channel has released such a steaming pile of blatant propaganda white washing....Ok no, no I'm, not...

America The Story of Us: Drunk and Disorderly Edition

I am so excited for this! So far the ground rules are thus... Ok I ran out of time to buy Whiskey so it's coffee infused vodka for now

1. Any mention of an action changing the course of history/America/the world:
   0ne shot
2. Black and white/slo-mo/ freeze frame: one shot
   
3. Bear Attack!: two shots
   
4. White Washing/racism: one shot
5. Hyperbole: two shots
6. Random celebrity: one shot
   

9:o6 Daniel Boone toturtured by savage took -one shot
9:07 Donald Trump
9:10 Fancy Rocky Mountains & Death:-one shot
9:11 Mini Bear attack: half shot
9:11 Norman Rideout is terrifying! (J's Note: All three of us screamed. Loudly.)
9:13 Everybody loves beavers
9:15 Noble Savages - one shot
9:16 BEAR ATTACK!- two shots
9:18 Michael Douglas and "a tidal wave of hope" - one shot
9:19 Ore(gone)
9:21 "The greatest toll of all: DEATH" - one shot
9:23 Already drunk
9:25 (Julie takes over)
9:26 Farrin is now too drunk to type. Julie is now blogging. (She claims she can type. I doubt this.)
9:28 Sheryl Crow (and Donner Party birth scenes. In German.)
9:30 Tamsin Donner's journal Entry: "If the journey continues like this, I shall think that the difficulty was all in the beginning." Famous last words if I ever heard them...
9:31 A broken axle. And wolves. And 5' of snow. With ominous music. 60 FOOT DEEP SNOWDRIFTS HOLY SHIT!
9:32 3 weeks = no more food. "They then ate pack animals. Then charred bones. Bark. Leaves. Dirt." Farrin says "Cannibalism!" Show says: "Cannibalism." When did it happen? Christmas. Labeled flesh so they don't eat their own kin. (2 gallon kettle of human blood. AAAAAAAACK)
9:34 "Gold fever is about to change the West. And the American character forever!"
9:36 Farrin: I can still type! There's some kind of Chevy commercial which means I can stop drinking!
9:40 Julie is back in control. Also: the Spanish Empire > America.
9:41 Slow-mo fall off the Alamo! Slow-mo sandbags. Slow-mo Davey Crockett Death! 3 shots for Farrin!
9:42 REMEMBER THE ALAMO! (Also: "A turning point")
9:42 Slow-mo formation of gold: magma --> quartz --> GOLD
9:43 James Marshall finds a 3 oz. nugget of gold. Farrin cracks up.
9:44 "In California, you can taste the American Dream"
9:45 Gold Fight! Farrin wants to drink. Julie says no.
9:47 Co-founder of Wikipedia!
9:47 Magic Growing California Cities!
9:49 Farrin is switching from shots of Cafe Aztec to shots of water
9:49 Geico caveman commercial of a Segway tour of Washington DC with pedantic teenager teaching funfacts about the White House
9:50 Farrin: "The lights are really bright." Real life: Not so much. Only kitchen lights are on.
9:51 Farrin: Since when are we fighting in the Himalayas?
9:52 "God, I hate this fucking wall commercial. Are you blogging that? God. I'm never going to get hired again."
9:53 AND WE'RE BACK!
9:54 At 18, the boy becomes a man. And who is this boy? ABE LINCOLN!
9:55 Magic building log cabins: "The trailer homes of the day!" "And they bury their dead!" Um...yes?
9:55 Abe Lincoln freeze frame of chopping wood.
9:55 John Legend cameo (Julie doesn't know who this is, but Farrin's drinking again)
9:58 "The West is open for business!"
10:00 "Lookit how tight that man's pants are!"
10:01 Farrin has the computer!
10:01 POWERHOUSE!
10:03 "the United states of America isn't going to let nature stand in its way!"
10:o4 Giuliani -one shot
10:05 "oh fuck it's Bloomberg"
10:06 Alcohol, the Irish, and explosions. Sounds a lot like tonight, really! (J's note: Except a helluva lot more Irish than us...considering that the two of us only make up half of an Irishwoman)
10:07 P. Diddy FUCK more booze
10:10 "humans owning other humans. It's called slavery." Thanks History Channel!
10:11 Julie is back in control
10:12 "Cotton spreads west in search of fertile soil." Really now? The cotton itself?
10:15 "WHY IS IT SNOWING INSIDE???" "Because it's a cotton mill. It's...cotton."
10:16 "Mill-girls help support widowed mothers and drunken or invalid fathers." Farrin: "Don't tempt me, History Channel."
10:16 OH FUCK IT'S MARTHA STEWART
10:17 Cotton mills pioneered Silicon Valley. AND THE INTERNET!
10:19 Women's suffrage: brought to you by whales.
10:20 SLOWMO COMPUTER ANIMATED WHALE (with scary music as whale breaches the water)
10:20 The Hubble Space Telescope runs on whale oil. Really???
10:21 Whaling = opportunities for black men. The whaling industry provided equal opportunities...to die?
10:23 Farrin: "Look! I can still walk! ...It takes more concentration than I'd like to admit"
10:27 And we're back! To a slave auction day in New Orleans.
10:29 Ohhhh...It's Al Sharpton. one shot
10:34 Frederick Douglass is about to be caught for false papers. UNTIL A CHICKEN GETS LOOSE ON A TRAIN TO BALTIMORE!!!
10:35 Harriet Tubman kept babies quiet with opium. Hell yeah.
10:48 We appear to have gotten too distracted to blog. Also: Farrin is starting to sober up. And thus has the computer back to her after here.
10:51 Why is this show so patronizing, to everyone!?!
10:54 "[John] brown won't go down..."
10:56 Former NFL star... booze time
10:58 Random military dude booze
10:59 Newt Gingrich uggg...one shot
11:00pm

Liev Schreiber's the fucking narrator?!

....to be continued...

America, America, we're here to save the motherf**kin day now!

Oh lordy I haven't blogged in forever, but I've found something with enough lolz to drag me out of the woodwork. The History channel's America: The Story of Us, is basically my primary school textbook come to life via the mutated spawn Jerry Bruckheimer, and James Cameron. Complete with freeze frames, explosions, and golden ghost trails erupting from horses' behinds (how else are you supposed you tell Ben Franklin is galloping at full tilt?!) America...is a 13 year old boys whitewashed wet dream put to history.

America: yada, yada, yada has done little to change my mind (or give me hope) about the mainstream view of American history.
The settlers treatment of the Indigenous Americans has been nothing more then a series of stories painted with smiling faces. They did dole out a single sentence to the small pox epidemic that systematically desecrated the Indigenous populations after first contact ... cuz you know that was sad. The robbery of Manhattan seems to have been forgotten (dude sweet deal!), and sure slavery was bad, but some guys got free and even fought along side the revolutionaries!1! ... equal opportunity for all right?

Why do I have the feeling of Howard Zinn could see this he'd be rolling in his grave?

Things I've learned (so far!)

1. Musk bullets move in slow motion, especially before they hit people.
2. Black and white makes everything more awesome!
3. Ragtag militiamen had a real hard on for George Washington.
4. Every event that has been documented by America: The Story of Us, has changed the course of America/history/the world FOR-EVE-ER!!!1!! (Seriously, it's every other sentence...)
5. In ye olden dayz houses pop out of the ground, like flowers.
6. Bayonet wielding is Serious Business!
7. Random ass celebrities make history come alive. (thanks Michael Douglas!)
   

FEEL THE EPIC!!!!!!11

Needless to say I know what I'm doing every Sunday for the next six weeks: Live blogging America: the Story of Us with an open bottle of Jack Daniel's. Hee Haw!